Personal Leadership | Resilience | Entrepreneurship
An inspiring and relatable story for anyone who is ever searching for themselves, for anyone who feels that there is much more to be gained from life, and for everyone who wants to know how to create their own dream life.
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“You can become anything you want, but most importantly yourself!” This is the motto of Sam van den Haak. It is a very remarkable motto, especially from someone who, as a victim of adoption fraud and sexual abuse, ultimately went in search of her own identity at the age of seventeen without family and had to survive in a country where no one looked like her and she was an outsider everywhere.
Sam van den Haak is the author of the book: “Niet geboren op mijn verjaardag“. It is a groundbreaking autobiography about adoption fraud, child abuse, fighting spirit, but above all about resilience and hope. In addition to being an expert by experience, she graduated in 2005 as a Bachelor of Education on the subject of adoption issues. She is therefore an expert in the field of adoption fraud and attachment issues. She also studied Dutch and worked in education for 12 years. Afterwards, she completed a study in Holistic Therapy and has her own practice as a therapist.
When Sam was 3 years old, she was taken from her own family in Sri Lanka under fraudulent circumstances in 1984, adopted, and placed in a Dutch family where she was abused for years by her adoptive father from the age of six. He is also the one who threw her out of the house at seventeen, forcing her to survive on her own without family. She was trapped in jobs to pay for her studies and rent. Sometimes she didn’t even have money for food. But showing the outside world how bad things really were was not an option.
During the search for her own identity, she discovered that everything about her existence was a lie and that she was not even born on her birthday. This led her, along with twenty others, to sue the Dutch State for adoption fraud and child trafficking. Her goal? Very simple. That she, like everyone else, gets her own birth date in her passport.
Despite all the difficulties she has encountered on her path, she has a success story to tell that is enormously inspiring. As a single mother, she is now a successful businesswoman with a highly profitable company that provides team-building quizzes with personal questions about employees for companies and organizations. Despite never having learned as a child what unconditional love is and having no idea how to connect with people, she now offers a service where creating deeper connections between people is central. She has delved so deeply into her pitfalls that she has managed to turn them into her strength. Like no other, she can tell how you can have influence over your own life, how you can step out of a victim role, how you can regain control when you’ve lost it, and by making choices that suit you, only do what makes you happy.
This story is inspiring and relatable for anyone who is ever searching for themselves, for anyone who feels that there is much more to be gained from life, and for everyone who wants to know how to create their own dream life.
Trapped by your work and the hustle of everyday life? Living in the place where you currently reside and having a job you just fell into? Rolling can only go downhill, and this lecture makes you realise that being trapped in the life others expect of you is completely unnecessary. It’s time to swap the role of spectator in your own life for that of a participant. That’s the least you deserve since you are the main character in your own story.
Sam was a spectator for many years and thought everything just happened to her. It was decided for her that she would be taken away from her biological family and that she had to grow up in a family where she was abused by her adoptive father. When she was also thrown out of the house by him at seventeen, she had to survive in a country where no one looked like her.
Now, as a single mother, Sam has founded a highly profitable company that provides team-building quizzes for businesses, making her a successful businesswoman. She stayed in kindergarten because she loved games so much, and now she has created her own dream job where she only plays games. She believes that if she can achieve this successful dream life without any family around her and with everything that has happened in her life, anyone can create a dream life. Her motto is that you can become anything you want, but above all, yourself.
In this lecture, Sam shows how, by discovering and living her core values, creating the right environment (both private and business), and a healthy money mindset, she has taken control of her life again. She shows how you can become a participant in your own life instead of a spectator.
Starting your own business and staying afloat with the fluctuating economy of the Netherlands is easier said than done. Every entrepreneur can tell you how simple it is to apply for your own Chamber of Commerce number and start as a self-employed person, but only 40 percent of them can tell you how to survive the first five years. 60 percent of businesses no longer exist by then.
Sam van den Haak, as a single mother, has founded a highly profitable company, making her a successful businesswoman. Her company provides team-building quizzes that create deeper connections between team members of other companies, which, among other things, reduces absenteeism.
Sam stayed in kindergarten because she loved games so much, and now she runs a business where she earns more than a handsome salary by making and playing games. If she can do this even by playing games, then it’s within reach for everyone. Therefore, she believes that anyone can become wealthy by doing what they love most, as long as you can market it well. And you don’t have to reinvent the wheel for this.
Fortunately, there are various factors you can control that determine whether your business becomes a real success. In this lecture, Sam explains the simple way she made her business successful and the steps she took to achieve it. She discusses how thinking in terms of possibilities and opportunities (creating new neural pathways in the brain), discovering core values and living by them, and the right money mindset are essential and how you can easily implement this in your own business to make it successful too.
Is it true that someone born with a dime will never become a quarter? Or was this saying invented to hide behind, so you no longer have to make an effort to change your own financial situation?
How you think about money is related to how you were raised. You may have the same money mindset as your caregivers, or you may have started thinking the opposite about money. Do you find it easy to receive money, or do you find it complicated to accept it? Do you hold onto your money tightly, or do you spend it like water and have a lot of month left at the end of your salary? Is the amount of money you currently have at the level you would like, or could it be more?
Sam van den Haak was born with a dime, then learned to keep flipping them, but later unlearned to constantly count them, learned to spend them to ultimately receive them in abundance as a successful businesswoman with a highly profitable company.
In this lecture, she talks about the different sides of the coin. Namely, the side she experienced when, at 17, she was thrown out of the house by her adoptive father who had sexually abused her for years, she had to survive alone and often had no money to buy food, but also the side of having financial freedom through her successful business. She also describes the phases in between and the lessons she learned to get to where she is now. By the end, you will have enough tools to create the right money mindset for yourself.
Couples who are involuntarily childless can raise a child who has no good future prospects in their country of origin in prosperous Netherlands. In this way, they can give all their love as parents, and the child is saved. What could be wrong with that? This sounds like a win-win situation, doesn’t it?
Unfortunately, we notice in the education sector and in social services that this is often not the case. Adopted children frequently suffer from attachment issues, making growing up in a Dutch family very difficult, and this can also have negative effects on school performance. And it’s not just incredibly difficult for the adopted children, as adoptive parents often face significant challenges because wanting to give all your love to a child who cannot receive it at all is, of course, a slap in the face.
Suicide occurs three times more often among adoptees than non-adoptees, and this is due to all the psychological consequences that adoption can have. For example, being clearly different from the people in the country where you grow up, the search for your own identity with often missing pieces, being trapped between different cultures, and loyalty conflicts regarding adoptive parents. And this doesn’t even mention the complexity of wanting to discover your ‘roots’.
Sam van den Haak is adopted herself and completed her study in Orthopedagogy with research and a thesis on adoption issues, including recommendations for social services. In the book ‘Not Born on My Birthday’, she writes extensively about her adoption. In this lecture, she shares her experiences and those of other adoptees, explains how the current adoption system works, and answers questions about this topic, such as educational questions or questions related to social services.
“Do you ever French kiss your father?” As a child, Sam questioned the way her adoptive father and she showed each other in bed that they loved each other. This question had gone through her mind hundreds of times, but she never dared to ask it. It was a topic she didn’t easily dare to bring up with other children or adults.
In the Netherlands, 1 in 3 children becomes a victim of sexual violence before their 18th birthday. The complicated thing about abuse is that perpetrators do everything to keep it hidden, but victims do the same out of shame. And because no one is supposed to find out, it remains so terribly hidden.
Sam was abused by her adoptive father for many years as a little girl and carried this heavy secret for more than 25 years. In her book ‘Not Born on My Birthday’, she writes openly about it. Children don’t know what abuse is, and she talks about how she discovered what was happening and how it was to keep everything a secret from everyone. She also discusses the physical consequences the abuse had for many years. She studied orthopedagogy and worked for 12 years as a teacher, mentor, and student counsellor in secondary education. She wants to create more openness because it’s always such a hidden topic, and students almost never dare to talk about it.
Fortunately, it is also an inspiring story. Sam shows how she emerged from the victim role, how she was able to leave the entire abuse behind, and she shows how others can do the same. She shows how she would have been best helped and how others could have best dealt with her and the situation. In her youth, she always missed an adult who saw her and could take her out of the situation. After this lecture, everyone in the audience will be that adult who children, young people, and adults dealing with this so desperately need.
Both in education and in healthcare and the corporate world, the question remains how you can truly be there for someone who struggles with these issues in the workplace. Sam van den Haak, through her role as a professional and her experiential expertise, is an expert in this field. She talks about topics such as loneliness, bullying (in the workplace), diversity & inclusivity, (sexual) abuse, suicide, but especially about resilience.
With her lectures and workshops, she not only shows you what is essential in recognising mental health problems, but she also makes you truly feel how important it is to be there for another. She makes you think about your own role in your own life and that of others. She also provides you with tools on how to truly see and hear another. After experiencing Sam’s story, you will leave with a feeling that you can be more meaningful to others, know how to do it, and will be better able to make real connections with others.
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